after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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