she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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