I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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