he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
the liver wants what the liver wants
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
