I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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