imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize