like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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