It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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