Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
