I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
