apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
