You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
