I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
