I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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