I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
