You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
