The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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