Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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