During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
