Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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