I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
