its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
where are my eyebrows?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
