I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
