So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
