the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
