Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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