What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I skipped work to stalk him.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
