Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
