You made me cry and you don't even care
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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