know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
