and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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