No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My feet surprised me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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