ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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