don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
