I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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