Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
