despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
