Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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