and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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