those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
