My sheets look like a crime scene.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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