just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
