Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
