and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Randomize
