my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize