My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
