I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
