My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
