you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
