the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
love makes seman taste better
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
