Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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