Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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