i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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