At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Let's get the cat blown out
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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