Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
