Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
