i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
