ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
