I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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