I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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