Can i not drive my cunt home
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
