Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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