Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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