Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
