I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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