Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
