my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
