so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
