I wish my penis had an off switch
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
