Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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