Christians are straight up FREAKS
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
