Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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